Monday, February 21, 2011

Embarrassment of riches

The kids and Adam both had the day off today. So we decided to skip town this weekend and head for Tybee Island and Savannah.

It was great. Warm enough for the kids to play in the waves. No way I thought the kids were going in the water. Actually, bringing their suits was an afterthought, you know, just in case. They love the beach. They love it so much, they have never bickered, and always play together when we go. Or maybe, I can't hear it over the sounds of the waves. Whichever, it is kid heaven.

We climbed a lighthouse that predates the revolutionary war. I had no problem going up, but coming down spiral stairs is really tricky on the eyes.

We went in to Savannah and went on a historic bus tour. We ate lunch at The Pirate House, a boarding house for pirates and other sea faring folk, dating back to colonial times. There was a part of the building that was close to 300 years old.

Now, while the children loved Savanah, not enough to not bicker. I was in the restroom and Adam was looking around at some signage on the walls, only to look over at the big kids at the table in time to see....Mary smacking a french fry that Theo was dangling in her face. The fry went flying onto the next table, landing in the middle of three older couples enjoying a post church lunch. Classy!

Just this morning we were on the beach. I was sitting in the sand watching my children and husband chase each other through the sand dunes. It was so amazing and beautiful. How did this happen to me? How am I so fortunate? All the flaws and imperfections, the flying french fries, the RP, it is who we are. It is what makes us love each other so much. My life is so much more than I imagined for myself.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Dialog in the Dark

As the parents of three kids, valentines no longer belongs to us as a couple. It's about cupcakes, school parties, and all the heart shaped food that we can invent. My very clever husband came home on the red eye Thursday night, and stayed home on Friday with me for a date day. We had lunch and went to an exhibit in Atlanta called Dialog in the Dark.

First - lunch. I had a salad, and made Adam order one as well. Adam then ordered rum and coke at 11:30 am, and I could not let him drink alone on our valentines date! What kind of wife would I be? We both love crab cakes, so we split some, yummy!

Then we walked to the exhibit. Basically, you are given a cane, and then lead by a visually impaired guide through a pitch black walking tour. I am not going to give too many details, because I would not want to ruin it for anyone who might take the tour.

Sitting in the lobby, waiting for the tour, I had a minute. I was thinking I can't do this. I don't even want to pretend to be totally blind. Tears started to well in my eyes, and I was trying to think about other things. Then Adam leaned over and says, "I can find you in the dark, you smell like rum." Funny, funny. Thank God for Adam.

Once we were in the room and the guide began talking, I was fine. The tour was fantastic, enlightening and interesting. I love that the exhibit employs visually impaired people. Our tour guide was great. I wanted to pick his brain about his vision loss. We chatted about what he had and what I have. He said something about having friends with RP, and that they all lost their vision much sooner than I am losing mine. I really wanted like 30 minutes to interrogate him, about his life, etc.... But I didn't know how to phrase "You want to hang out sometime, so I can ask you a series of really personal questions?"
It was a really good day.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

In the last 24 hours

Adam is gone again this week, and the kids are cracking me up in a funny kind a way, and in a crazy kind of way...

1. Theo tells me I should try conditioner, that it will make my hair smoother.

2. Nate informs me that I packed a fork last time I gave him applesauce, and that the cafeteria only allows 1st graders one spoon per year.

3. Mary says "I thought you were an art major at some point," as I struggle to draw the outline of a human body on a poster board free hand.

4. Nate says "When I look at you I think black." huh?

5. Nate screams "I am trying to show him the pain he puts me through everyday." This explains why he was following Theo around pointing a nerf gun at him.

There are two more I was going to write, but I can't remember, because they are sucking the brain cells out of me.

I have really been perplexed about what to do about where we live, if we move, if we stay, and for how long. I think about it way too much. I unplugged today, and laid on my bed to just be quiet and let God talk to me. I woke up 2 hours later, running out to the kids' bus stop, with the lines of my sheets imprinted on my face.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I love manual labor

I love feeling productive. I love the end result. I like the feeling of accomplishing something.

Adam and I installed 24 bags of insulation into our attic yesterday. This was the perfect home improvement project for us, because he was in the attic blowing in the insulation, and I was in the garage feeding the hopper.

About 8 years ago we installed 500 square feet of tile, and it almost ended our marriage. I am let's just start already even if we don't have everything we need. He is a perfectionist with a bit of a lazy streak. We decided to not do any more collaborative projects. Ever. But when the estimate for more insulation was 2 grand, and we realized we could do it in an afternoon for $250, we put the wounds of tiling behind us.

While I was loading the hopper, I had on a mask, but the dust kept getting in my eyes. So I put on sunglasses. The glasses fogged up because of the mask. So I started thinking about people who have cataracts.

So I used this tiny little peep hole of vision through the bottom to work, and keep the dust out of my eyes. So I started thinking about my RP as it progresses.

None of these were necessarily negative thoughts, just insights. I am so grateful for where I am at. Right now. I am so grateful that this is a progressive disease that I can adjust to as time goes on. It is almost like a "hey you, live in the moment" continuous reminder.

I have always wanted to volunteer for habitat for humanity. Thinking that I would not be on a roof in retirement was the first thing that made me cry about this disease. I am thinking, there has got to be something that I can safely do for them. I am going to go check it out now, I mean why wait?

I think I may go look around the attic again this morning, check out our work, while puffing out my chest.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


So when everything first happened I started to write things down. Thank you God that I just wrote a word document and kept it to myself. I was really pissed. Not at anyone, just in general. I am sure that was really fun for the people around me.

I have the worst memory when it comes to past events and where I have met people. I think this is a blessing. Because as I was reading the things I wrote, I was thinking, this is yucky. What kind of psychopath feels this way?

Okay so this is what I am going to pray for this week:
1. To continue to be able to forget, like a goldfish in a bowl.
2. To remember that feelings pass, and
3. Not emotionally abuse my loved ones while said feelings are passing....