Monday, April 4, 2011

Spring Cleaning

We are on spring break here. So I am feeling motivated to get this place ship shape. Adam and I remulched the front yard yesterday, and started re-mortering a wall in our yard that is falling a part.

This morning, I started looking to make a plan for the house. I realized the only true way to clean and de-clutter is to lose these three children. Life with a family is messy. There are bits of things everywhere. There is artwork hanging on expensive furniture. I have a paper mache volcano on a cake plate sitting next to a water frog that is way past his expiration date. Controlled chaos.

I wouldn't trade it. I can have a perfect house when the kids are gone. But for now I am going to use this house up, enjoy our lives, and go bike riding instead of spring cleaning.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

New title

I changed the title of my blog. Mostly because I am feeling less and less defined by my new-ish diagnosis. It is creeping back to where it belongs, just being a part of me, and not who I am.

Blind mothering fits in so many ways. I am a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal, so there's that. I have great kids, so I am really glad it is working out so far. hehe.

So, I have been working on my attitude toward marriage and my husband lately. I was listening to some talks on love and marriage, and thought I would try. So here is the basics:
1. Love one another - like actively, do loving things, kindness, respect, compassion. See I am a bit dark and kinda a jokster, so this is hard for me. Apparently sarcasm is not the way to true intimacy.
2. Submit - Have a servants heart. This is not sexist. Both of us should feel this way. I think the best way this was summed up for me was - Choose the relationship over self interest. Again, this is hard. I want to make sure I am not submitting more than him. I have a healthy fear of not getting out what I put in, so I am always in negotiations.
3. Don't Compete - For me this is about being right. Not just being right but having Adam tell me I am right, why I am right, and why he is wrong, wrong, wrong...
4. Be interested in their interests. Apparently, I suck at relationships, because I find this hard as well. Adam was travelling for work through parts of western Europe. He was sending me emails about castles and countrysides. He was truely excited. I was up to my elbows in throw-up and school projects. I actually asked him to stop sending me the email updates. I am not a grown up.

Really the difference is amazing. I just decided to try this new perspective and attitude. Honestly, I like myself better. And when I see old Melissa in a relationship, I am like eww. But at least now I know what I am striving for.