Thursday, March 24, 2011

Snowing pink petals

I have the most amazing tree outside my front door. It gets these pink pom-poms, and they are glorious. It is only a couple of weeks from the beginning of blooms until the tree greens up. I am now in the stage where there are little pink petals snowing in my front yard. It is so beautiful, so temporary, and so fleeting.

I am feeling so much better it is ridiculous. I am about 6 months away from diagnosis. I knew I would feel better, adapt, and regain hope. I kept telling myself that, but then I would tell myself to shut up. There is no speeding up time, I just had to get through it, and it hurt. I can make myself cry again, thinking of the pain. Yet, I truly feel like the darkest days are past. It is amazing the way family and friends rally me, hold me up.

Okay, too mushy. moving on.

I have a bull horn. I got it for Christmas from my brother in law. See we all draw names, he got me, and he thought bull horn. At first, I was offended, deeply. This is no normal gift exchange. See my husbands family is so competitive, that after all the grown children exchange, my mother-in-law judges who gave the best gift. She thought the bull horn was the best. Again, I was offended deeply. She knew I was irritated by the present and she twisted the knife by picking it as the winner.

Well, I love that bull-horn. I can stand at the top of the stairs to the basement and call the kids up for dinner. I can call them in from playing. The neighbors think its hilarious ( at least that is what they tell me). I have brought mothering to an all new low. Imagine a woman in slippers, standing on her back deck, calling her children through a bull horn. I am no longer offended, I am in love.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Book Review

I just read Cockeyed. It is a book by a man, Ryan Knighton, with RP. He is witty, dark, simple, and it was a good read. It was so hard to read at times, so painful. He was diagnosed at 18, so I certainly did not have to do all that identity formation life stuff while also dealing with RP. Thank you God.

His blindness progressed at a much younger age than mine. Honestly, he scared the bejezus out of me. I am happily in the denial of the present, and I like it here. I think if you try to figure out too much of the future you go bananas.

Is it possible to overplan/overthink the future and be in denial of it at the same time? Yes, it is. I'm there.

Life is good

Tomorrow is the 7th grade dance. I am chaperoning. I will bear witness to people's future awkward memories. Now if the lights are turned down, I will not be much of a chaperon. I asked Mary (my 7th grade daughter) if she thinks her friends will mind if I show them some old school dances. She could not even speak a reply. hehe.

Spring Baseball is starting up. I can not wait for the first game. Seeing my husband in a matching uniform with my 10 year old makes me happy on a cellular level. One, I LOVE baseball. Second, I love those two.

Spring tennis for me is beginning. I love my tennis ladies so much. We were at lunch the other day after practice, and someone asked me about my eyes. I was explaining RP, and where I was at with it. My dear sweet friend looked at me and her first thought was "How do you play tennis?" Not, how do you drive, how fast is it happening, nothing practical like that. ha-larious. Tennis is a serious priority.
Spring is here. We have a tree with a hundred thousand white blooms on it. Sunny warm days are beginning, dotted with warm moody rainy days. I can't wait for our cherry tree to bloom, with it's pink pom-poms. Love it.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Marchin' forward

I am in a funk.

The last couple of weeks has been difficult. I have repetitive obsessive thoughts about the future. The thing is, I know better. I have been in therapy before, I worked in the field of helping, and I have read countless books on personal and spiritual growth. And I feel like a total loser.

I mean really, who doesn't know better. Anyone will tell you to focus on your gratitude, your abilities, your blessings, and I am struggling.

So, I made a to do list. Sometimes, just plowin through', getting things done, and having an outward focus brings me back level.

Here is the list:
Write a blog entry - done
Call the new tumbling place for Mary
Email class about carnival baskets
Call Joanne's about a sewing class
Look at the parks and rec book for a spring Art class
Get supplies for bake sale
Go to coffee with friends

I gotta fight. I can't just lay down in this. So I am off to put on my shoes and earrings and hit the day.