I changed the title of my blog. Mostly because I am feeling less and less defined by my new-ish diagnosis. It is creeping back to where it belongs, just being a part of me, and not who I am.
Blind mothering fits in so many ways. I am a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal, so there's that. I have great kids, so I am really glad it is working out so far. hehe.
So, I have been working on my attitude toward marriage and my husband lately. I was listening to some talks on love and marriage, and thought I would try. So here is the basics:
1. Love one another - like actively, do loving things, kindness, respect, compassion. See I am a bit dark and kinda a jokster, so this is hard for me. Apparently sarcasm is not the way to true intimacy.
2. Submit - Have a servants heart. This is not sexist. Both of us should feel this way. I think the best way this was summed up for me was - Choose the relationship over self interest. Again, this is hard. I want to make sure I am not submitting more than him. I have a healthy fear of not getting out what I put in, so I am always in negotiations.
3. Don't Compete - For me this is about being right. Not just being right but having Adam tell me I am right, why I am right, and why he is wrong, wrong, wrong...
4. Be interested in their interests. Apparently, I suck at relationships, because I find this hard as well. Adam was travelling for work through parts of western Europe. He was sending me emails about castles and countrysides. He was truely excited. I was up to my elbows in throw-up and school projects. I actually asked him to stop sending me the email updates. I am not a grown up.
Really the difference is amazing. I just decided to try this new perspective and attitude. Honestly, I like myself better. And when I see old Melissa in a relationship, I am like eww. But at least now I know what I am striving for.