Saturday, April 2, 2011

New title

I changed the title of my blog. Mostly because I am feeling less and less defined by my new-ish diagnosis. It is creeping back to where it belongs, just being a part of me, and not who I am.

Blind mothering fits in so many ways. I am a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal, so there's that. I have great kids, so I am really glad it is working out so far. hehe.

So, I have been working on my attitude toward marriage and my husband lately. I was listening to some talks on love and marriage, and thought I would try. So here is the basics:
1. Love one another - like actively, do loving things, kindness, respect, compassion. See I am a bit dark and kinda a jokster, so this is hard for me. Apparently sarcasm is not the way to true intimacy.
2. Submit - Have a servants heart. This is not sexist. Both of us should feel this way. I think the best way this was summed up for me was - Choose the relationship over self interest. Again, this is hard. I want to make sure I am not submitting more than him. I have a healthy fear of not getting out what I put in, so I am always in negotiations.
3. Don't Compete - For me this is about being right. Not just being right but having Adam tell me I am right, why I am right, and why he is wrong, wrong, wrong...
4. Be interested in their interests. Apparently, I suck at relationships, because I find this hard as well. Adam was travelling for work through parts of western Europe. He was sending me emails about castles and countrysides. He was truely excited. I was up to my elbows in throw-up and school projects. I actually asked him to stop sending me the email updates. I am not a grown up.

Really the difference is amazing. I just decided to try this new perspective and attitude. Honestly, I like myself better. And when I see old Melissa in a relationship, I am like eww. But at least now I know what I am striving for.

1 comment:

  1. "It is creeping back to where it belongs, just being a part of me, and not who I am." Excellent! As a low-vision mom, I have to say, this is a great step!.

    I've been lurking along your blog for a month or so, and I'm curious to see if your relationship to the word "blind" will change too. "Blind mothering" to me doesn't mean "mothering that is uncertain, fumbling, or less enlightened." It simply means mothering that is done by a blind person. Usually, it means it's more thoughtful, sometimes, by necessity a little more planned ahead, but usually as competent as not.

    I just read a book called "Borderlands of Blindness" in which the author strongly criticized the "occularcentric" view in our culture that sighted=good and blind=bad. Blindness has been used metaphorically for despair, darkness, stupidity etc. for so long that many of us don't even question it. I'd love to change that image! There is no shame in not being able to see; it simply means you accomplish the same tasks in a somewhat different manner. You're still the same smart, capable, witty, darkly sarcastic, interesting person you were when you were fully sighted.

    Good luck as you continue your journey and I think you're going to be a great blind mom!