Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I want my old problems back

I used to stress about a tidy house (okay I still do), losing ten pounds (okay I still do), saving money, and other silly things. Then I went through this whole diagnosis process. I do have to say that the first doctor that told me it was probably a brain tumor softened the blow of blindness!

I was diagnosed three months ago, and I think I was in shock. I felt fragile, really until like Christmas. Not broken or sad, but squishy and confused. At first, I could not think about anything else. Even if I was talking about something else, or doing something else, it was there, waiting for me to be alone with it. If someone would bring up something small and petty, I would have a huge averse reaction to it, once even walking away mid-conversation. It's not like I never said small and petty things (aren't we all guilty of that). I just could not process it at the time.

I feel like I am starting to breathe deeply again. Like okay, let's go. I'm healthy, I'm here, the kids are alright, we are good. My gratitude is building. I am so fortunate, for my family, for my friends, my community, and the grace of God. We are thinking okay, how should we change our lives to figure this out. That we even have the luxury to have those thoughts just blows my mind with gratitude.

I am surely no fountain of peace and acceptance, but I am feeling like I can move toward normal again, which is great, because while I was in shock, I got fat and broke. Lol!

1 comment:

  1. It really is a lot to take in. I found out I had RP when I was 20 so I was young and naive and just sort of didn't let it get to me. But as it has progressed I could no longer ignore it anymore. I think for me I definitely had to go through a grieving process....to get over that my life was not going to be as I always pictured it being. But it does get easier and as you live your life, you find that you can find happiness in the day to day things and look forward to your life as it is. It may not be the life I envisioned me having but it really is a good life still. Just a lot different. There are definitely the hard days mixed in but it does get easier.